We hand down our pains and bitterness to our children quicker than an inheritance. I noticed that in my youth. I saw the cycle and I vowed never to repeat. What has made me strong does not need to be the source of what makes my children strong. Our experiences should be different and unique. I am all about building a new legacy. I fuel imagination and nurture creativity and lead my children to their passions not my pain. I’m building dammit! I don’t need any broken stones in my foundation.
In order to be about building, you must be willing to face your entire foundation. I am. No matter how much of my life I disliked, I would not change anything. Who I am today is someone I am loving very much. I wish we all embraced ourselves wholeheartedly. It’s a process, I know. But we cannot shame ourselves because of others opinions or life pains or unresolved issues. Just because you don’t like red lipstick grandma does not mean I can’t. Especially when you cannot even tell me why. Elders want to impose rules on young women but not give the history of it. Because they know if they go down that road they will need to face their pain and that is not something they have ever done or been willing to do.
No matter how much you run from your past and avoid your own truth, it will not save your daughters. You must be transparent and authentic. Tell your story and don’t leave out the ugly parts. Our daughters are the first apprentices to study us in our natural habitat. As an only child I specialized in observation. I saw the adults and heard them and read them when they thought I wasn’t looking. I understood what I saw but not why everyone responded the way they did. But I knew I didn’t want to live that lie to my children. I don’t have time to front with my kids. I need them to know the truth now! Because when they are “old enough” may be too late.
I wanted to talk about mothers and daughters. But this is where I’ll end. Hug your babies and let them talk your ear off. You may learn ….that someone else is speaking to them more than you are.